Life's simple but never easy.

2011-08-03T00:57:00.002+08:00

If I have the courage to stab myself, i would stab myself in the heart.
Because u make it hurt so badly that i dont want to feel it for another second.
You just promised me yesterday and now you change your mind again.
I hate myself u know that? I believed everything you said again and again even though u hurt me u lied to me again and again.
Fuck my life really.
U promised nothing is going to change again.
U promised you would not leave again.
U promised what she said will not turn out to be true, that you would prove her wrong.
U promised that we will TRY and work this out.
You are a liar. and I'm a fucking believer.
U really screwed me inside out u know that?
Do you have any idea how much fun how happy i was?
The things you said the way you cared the way you worry.
Even after coming back you kept ur promise.
You promise you would not change and u didnt.
But now just because of a stupid mistake, u changed.
You fucked up my life again.
I said a million times that im sorry.
And yet you just cant be bothered.
Do u know how worried i was? How frustrating it is?
U gave me all the assurance and because of a small mistake, you let it plunge down to zero.

I just want us to get back to how we were before what happened yesterday.
Stop hurting me

2011-07-09T21:12:00.003+08:00

你很残忍
这我得称赞你
你一次又一次让我相信你的谎言
你一次又一次把捧我上天堂然后再把我打进谷底
你真的很厉害 I have to hand it to you

请看清楚我是人我是有心跳会流血会受伤的人不是你的那条狗
我也有感觉我的心不是石头或铁做的你懂吗
我感觉得到痛那一种想要把心挖出来丢掉的痛

如果他从来没有打算要让我开心
为什么他不把我的所有带走
我宁可死也不要再听到你的谎言也不想再见到你

你真的伤我很深

2011-01-19T22:43:00.001+08:00

There is a roller coaster in my tummy.
Save me!
Had too much chili for dinner.
And someone did not stop me in time.
Grr...

I wanna stop being the one who ruin ur day can I?

Joke of the year

2011-01-14T22:11:00.003+08:00

It's only 14th of January of a brand new year
And i already heard the joke of the year.
Some 15 years old kid called me AUNTY in a party.
Tell me, how can it not be the joke of the year?

I laughed it off because I dont know what reaction was expected out of me.
But it doesnt mean i dont feel hurt at all.

I had fun this afternoon.
Everything is worth it.

不知道应该觉得开心吗

2011-01-13T00:00:00.002+08:00

Are you really back?

睜開眼空氣在沸騰轉變
我突然多了好多的體會
如果說夢想醒來一捏就粉碎
世界就只是一層安靜的灰

曾躲在幾十億人海裡面
因為愛才能擠撞到前面
我要的不多就幾分鐘的時間
讓我大聲說出心裡的感謝

愛是我的第一站
愛給了我方向感
愛寸步也沒離開
陪我從模糊的地帶
走到陽光正在打亮的舞台

被雨淋過的勇敢
被你給過的溫暖
全都在

愛未來的第一站
愛教我把夢拉開
愛要我抬起頭看
天空中最微弱的星
也有權利爭取最美的燦爛

你给了我方向

Could not recover.

2011-01-12T00:58:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was an awful day.
Put hope that things will get better.
But it end up worse.
Hurt even more. Cried even badly.
I was furious when i got home.
I was mad at you. Mad at God.
That explains why so many four letter word in one sms.
Why did you guys left me alone licking my own wound?
Why did you lie to me when i trusted you?
I was so mad. If there is a line between hate and dont hate, I almost crossed it yesterday.
I thought everything would be different.
Who told me that say your prayers and God will answer them?
Who told me I matters alot?
Why did you show that you care when all you did was to push me aside and ignore me?
Your sms... dont know what it means. I just hope that it will be starting something new and good.

Hope, I put.

Still very exhausted

2011-01-10T23:39:00.002+08:00

Slept almost three quarter of the day.
My body felt so soft.
My limbs felt they are all over the place.
Had fever and cough but it's alright now.
Who knew going for a 3 days 2 nights camp could bring so much pain? =(

But it's alright.
Aching limbs means I'm building muscles right? =)

你知道和我很舒服
你知道你可以告诉我你最贴身的秘密
我和你中间有个很模糊的线
为什么你不能尝试走过来呢？
请想一想吧

I miss you
Day 8

Damn exhausted

2011-01-09T18:44:00.003+08:00

I'm back! From a 3 days 2 nights camp at Ayer Keroh, Malacca.
Awesome place except that ants are crawling everywhere and mosquitoes are constanly biting you,sucking your blood.
Ants might just be all over inside your luggage when you are out for activities.
2 of the students got that.
As for me? alot and alot of mosquito bites.
I have never lighted SO many mosquito coils in my whole life.

What's awesome about this camp? I guess it's the semi-awesome students(not all of them is awesome), the delicious food(as good as u can get in a jungle environment) and the awesome fellow facilitators.

I am so tired that i fell asleep while sitting on the toilet bowl. My body is aching everywhere. Really old already.

I can barely open my eyes when im typing this. Gotta go catch alot of sleep.

Isit really impossible? Will you tell me you will reconsider?
Will things go back to the way it was?
Will miracle come and give me a surprise?

I miss you

Day 7

心分成了一百片

2011-01-06T15:38:00.004+08:00

我把心交了給你
你把它撕開了

今天似乎都沒有任何改變
沒有奇跡沒有更多的希望

我不知道啦
心很煩
明明知道答案又不要承認

我都不知道要沉還是要浮
亂死我了

你現在很開心嗎?

想念你的第四天

我是大笨猪

2011-01-05T23:18:00.003+08:00

你告訴我你喜歡和我在一起
你告訴我你和我在一起很開心
你告訴我我們會在一起長長久久
你告訴我就算我們的距離有多遠對彼此的心都不會變
你告訴我你不會離開我會陪我走我人生道路
你告訴我我不舒服你會心痛
你告訴我你很幸運有我
你告訴我我們很久沒有出去所以你很想念我
你告訴我你的新年新希望就是一天比一天更愛我
你告訴我我不笨最笨就是愛上你
你告訴我你會永遠喜歡我

我完完全全相信了你
但你騙了我

你告訴我你並沒有想我
你告訴我你每一次說想我都是假的
你知道你讓我有多傷心嗎?

你讓我覺得自己是不值得的
我本來就不應該存在在這個世界裏
你來告訴我好了
我是不是大笨蛋

我以为东西会好转
不知道竟然会让我觉得更苦

你是知道的
你和我很舒服

想念你的第三天

公理在哪裏?

2011-01-04T17:14:00.003+08:00

A heart ache is a pain that you cant rub any medicine on it and wish that it will heal by tomorrow.

我夢見你對我很好
感覺好像心不再痛了而且還感覺好好噢
突然醒來了我哭了
原來只是個夢

昨天到某個程度我覺得開心
開心你告訴我你嫉妒
我還以爲終于有點希望終于天有一片光亮

今天看見你
你好像沒有再生氣了
讓我更覺得有希望
結果你回到家后你碰上了你等待/不見讓你傷心的那個人
你們談天你忘了回我
我打給你你告訴我你們吵架
讓你覺得心煩
讓你覺得傷心

這個人值得嗎?
值得難過和無奈嗎?

你說你會嫉妒
聼了很高興
應該只有在乎的時候才會嫉妒吧
以爲你在乎了但卻只是讓我跌得吃狗屎的洞

老天爺啊你爲什麽給我希望啊
我還以爲那是我真在等待的奇跡
你爲什麽一腳又把我踢進洞裏
剛才聽到的話讓我覺得想哭你知道嗎?

老天爺如果你要我繼續感受那種疼痛那種每一天起來覺得失望的感覺
那你把我帶走好嗎?
我什麽都不要了
Iphone4 不要了
朋友親人我不要了
我只是想要離開
到一個只有歡樂沒有悲傷的地方
或者我也可以失憶
我寧可忘記開心的回憶也不想記得你對我說的那些毒辣的話
我要車禍可以嗎?
我要跌傷頭可以嗎?

想念你的第二天

人生實在太可笑了
你喜歡的人不喜歡你喜歡你的人你偏偏不喜歡

我哭了

2011-01-03T17:28:00.003+08:00

明明答應自己不可以掉淚
但是淚水還是滾了下來

我很想念你
你說的那些話還在我的腦子裏盤旋着
我越不想要想它就越回來

爲什麽你那麽殘忍
爲什麽你把話説得那麽殘酷
難道你不知道我會很傷心嗎?
難道你不知道我會心痛嗎?
難道我傷心對你來説一點也不值得安慰嗎?
我哭你不心痛嗎?

憎恨你應該是一件很容易辦到的事情
你讓我獨自在房裏哭
你讓我痛撤心扉

我生氣你一點也不在乎
我生氣你搞亂我的心然後把我丟下
我生氣你一次又一次傷害我
我生氣你把事情做到最過分

我生氣自己對你好無防備讓你進入我的心房
我生氣自己那麽的愚蠢對你說的每一句話深信無疑
我生氣自己把你看得那麽重要
我生氣自己把事情搞砸了

剛才我真的很需要你
我哭到停不下來
越想停就越想起你說的每一個字
我這一次真的糟糕了

不是習慣不是依賴
而是喜歡

禮物多又怎樣本來應該以情侶的身份給的
現在你卻憎恨我有如我是你的殺父兇手
本來收到禮物應該很開心不過卻相反
你知道我有多麽期待看到你替我精心挑選的禮物嗎?

我想念和你開心一起過的日子

想念你的第一天

2010-11-04T16:47:00.002+08:00

Am tired.
My conscience keep telling me that i need to study as exam is real near.
But my body just dont listen at all. It is feeling sleepy all the time.
My body wants to watch movie so badly.
Damn it. I NEED TO STUDY!
Seeing how much my friends have studied make me feel so stressed up.
I dont know what to do.

2010-07-19T13:01:00.000+08:00

As much as i want to hold you and say i love you, i cant.

2010-07-18T09:21:00.002+08:00

If i try to die,i would first delete all ur msgs and ur calls so that no one can trace it back to u. So dont worry.

I gave u my heart and u tore it into pieces.but yet,i still cant hate u.

I love u.
And u dont know how much my heart hurts now.

2010-04-15T08:51:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry that i hurt you.

I will do anything to make it up to you.

I'm really sorry.

I promise it wont happen again.

Can u please for give me? Please?

Extra marital affair

2010-03-14T15:19:00.006+08:00

Is it just me who thinks that after the Tiger Wood's incident, more "dirty little secret" of famous and reputable people is out to the public?

For example:

Jack Neo, the famous Singaporean actor and director.

Ashley Cole

John Terry

Extra marital affair really do ruin one's career and reputation, dont they?
I was shocked when the newspaper published that Jack Neo had an affair. (In fact, it's more than 1)
I wont say that the people above must not be blamed.
I do agree that what they did was very wrong.
But i just feel that it's so wasted.
They're all talented. Golf player, football player, movie director...
They're reputable. Their face appears in advertisements etc etc. They are like angels.
But when the girls they had affair with decided to "kiss and tell", they fall right to the bottom.
People are realistic. When your name go bad, they act like they dont know you. They pull back the advertisements that you done for them. They decided that they can no longer work with/for you.

Honestly i pity them. They already got so much to deal with. So much explaining and apologizing to do. But the media still keep trying to "dig" more juicy news about them. I really think that the media should just leave them alone.
Those news will quiet down someday. But people will remember them as "the man who cheated on his wife".

Kindness...or nothing better to do?

2010-03-14T13:58:00.003+08:00

As usual, i was walking in the park this morning.
I saw the maid of the house facing the park was sweeping the dry leaves outside the house.
But something caught my eye after a while.
The maid was actually sweeping the neighbor's compound too.
I opened my eyes so wide that it almost popped out.
I was curious. Very curious.
I thought people nowadays only mind their own business.
They dont go thru the pain to help others.
Maybe i'm wrong. I dont know.

Maybe she's kind.

Or maybe she just got nothing better to do. *shrugs*

2010-03-13T21:46:00.000+08:00

But I still could not give up.

Because you mean too much to me.

2010-03-13T21:35:00.003+08:00

Sometimes your words are hard to swallow.

Because it hurts so much.

Till i cant breathe.

Love between siblings

2010-03-13T21:03:00.004+08:00

I was walking in the park this morning.
I saw a mother looking over her 3 daughters who were playing at the playground.
Then the mother said to them: "Girls, let's go home! Daddy's waiting for us to go breakfast together."
All of the girls pleaded their mother to let them have the swing before they go back.
The mother helped the youngest (around 2-3 years old) up the swing because she wasn't tall enough to reach.
I guess my heart warmed when i see their smile. They have got nothing in the world to worry about. They don't have to worry about exams or money problem. When they are happy, they smile; when they are sad, they cry. They dont have to squeeze a fake smile and face the world. Therefore their smile is genuine.

Then the oldest (around 6 years old i guess) decided that she had enough of swing and went to play at the slide. The 2nd (around 4 years old) started to follow her older sibling. The youngest baby wanted to go too but she couldnt get off the swing and her mother was busy with other things. She called out softly :"Jie jie, help me. Jie jie..."
The 2nd rushed to her side fearing that she might fall down.
"Be careful, mei. slowly come down. Dont fall down. Come, jie jie hold ur hand."
The 2nd was willing to miss out some fun for her babysister.
The message of love was conveyed just thru a simple act.

The love between siblings is a bond that can never be broken no matter what.

Sometimes i wished that i have an older sibling too.

2010-02-26T18:44:00.002+08:00

Wth is ur problem?
U dun even hav the courtesy 2 tell me?
Fuck
U just dun care eventhough u r hurting me.
Im just a piece of crap to u.

2010-01-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

You just dont fucking care,do u?

2010-01-12T12:16:00.002+08:00

U just dont get it, dont you?

Things may not matter to you at all.
But it does for me.

In fact, it is hurting me.

But i so know that you dont give a damn.

不怕痛

2010-01-10T11:51:00.002+08:00

一对夫妻来到牙科诊所.
丈夫问医生：拔一颗牙需要多少钱?
医生：如果有打麻醉剂，费用是五百元，如果不打麻醉剂，只要三百元
丈夫：好，那就不必打麻醉剂，直接拔吧!
医生：你真勇敢，居然不怕痛.
丈夫：哪里哪里，小意思!
然后，丈夫转身对妻子说：快上去坐吧! 医生在等你呢!

误认

2010-01-08T12:13:00.003+08:00

扒手失手被捕，法庭开庭.

法官问扒手：难道你看不出皮夹是别人的吗？

扒手：法官大人，我当然看得出来，但是皮夹里的钞票实在是太像我的了.

力气的大小

2010-01-06T12:18:00.002+08:00

法官：你为什么要用椅子砸你的婆婆？

被告：因为我举不起桌子

2010-01-06T12:16:00.000+08:00

Just admit it. U dont need me until you have nothing to do in ur hands.

Admit it. That to you I'm just a float.

无辜的鸡

2010-01-05T15:12:00.002+08:00

乡下老李的太太在结婚纪念日问老公：老公，我今晚要不要杀只鸡来庆祝一下？

老李回答：不要啦！何必把二十年前的错算在一只鸡的头上呢！

2009-11-28T22:20:00.002+08:00

I dont wish that anything will change.
I really regret what i done the other day.

不要走开可以吗？
我真的后悔了

心里的安全感渐渐减少
你可以帮帮我吗？

2009-11-28T21:22:00.004+08:00

我害怕了害怕的感觉

我已将嫉妒与悲伤转化为对自己的折磨

我已将心里的痛转化为身上的痛

因为心里抓摸不到的痛比身上的痛还要痛

2009-10-27T08:55:00.001+08:00

9 more days to finals...
And the best part is i just finish one chapter of accounts out of the five subjects.
:)

Someone please tell me that I'm screwed.

2009-10-09T14:24:00.002+08:00

I wish for a miracle.

Because I really need one.

Because I really want to have something.

Dude, i really hope that you could make up your mind ASAP.
Because the suspense is somehow killing me too.

I want you.
You know i cant resist you. :)

2009-10-06T10:32:00.001+08:00

Lost. Despair. Hopeless. Helpless.

I am lifesmisery. Lifesmisery is me. It is my identity.

You cant deny me.

Because...

I.am.who.I.am.

Hurtful things that I've heard

2009-10-05T08:41:00.002+08:00

"You're a fucking bitch."
"Fucking asshole"
"Get lost forever"
"I dont want to see you anymore"
"I hate you"
"You're the pain in my ass"
"You're driving me up the wall"
"You made me suffer, do you know that?"
"Whatever i did was just to make you shut up"
"I only need you when I'm lonely"
"Honestly, i dont care how you feel"

A big congratulation to you, you have the talent of becoming a successful actress
And it would be a waste if you dont join the entertainment industry
A big thank you to you too for inflicting another wound on the heart of mine that was in the process of recovering
Thank you for pushing me to the limit
Thank you for being mean
Thank you for telling me all those hurtful things when i most needed is comfort and a shoulder to cry on
Thank you for walking away as if nothing happened at the lowest moment in my life
Thank you for ignoring the pain that i felt
Thank you for letting me know that you dont fucking care how upset i am
Thank you for lying
Thank you for crushing all my hopes
Thank you for letting me be happy for a moment, and let me suffer after that moment
Thank you for letting me have the best moments of my life for a moment, and let me go through the nightmare after that moment

I put in so much effort for this and i thought that Yay! Finally my luck's changing! but it wasnt.
It just got worse.
U hurt me. Happy now?

2009-09-29T11:47:00.001+08:00

I wish that i could tell you that i feel numb now.
But honestly i dont know how i feel now.
Part of me is happy, part of me is not letting my guards down 'cause its afraid that i'll get hurt again.

When one's heart is overfilled with joy, some spill from their eyes.

2009-09-24T22:52:00.003+08:00

Why do you want to do this to me?
I was hoping to talk to you.
Why must u take this chance aaway from me?
I cant stand it okay?
I cant.
U have no idea what i'm going thru, dont you?
Go thru the suffer every single day
Try to act like a clown
I'm not allowed to express how i feel just because it makes u sick.
What am i now?
Make improvements you say?
Care for each other you say?
Peace you say?
This is the way?

Honestly, i'm getting very f*cked up now.
U just dont care dont you?
U just dont mind hurting other people dont you?
Not after losing it, you wont realise what you're missing?
Must something big that is able to make u awake happen, before you'll regret what you did?

When will you realise wat you're missing?

2009-09-24T18:31:00.002+08:00

How do u expect me not to think about it?
How am i suppose to just forget about it?
I dont want my birthday to be the last best memory that im going to have.
I dont want to give up being happy.

God, why cant u help me out already?
Dont take the smile away from me.

2009-09-23T22:49:00.003+08:00

I dont get it
Why cant u let me be happy?
What did i do to deserve this from you?
To need to swallow all those hurtful stuff that you said all by myself?
Why do i have to cry while walking home?
Why do i have to lock myself in the room and cry?
And at the same time keep asking Him why does he want to do this to me?
Ask him why when i already prayed so hard, I still got hurt?
Ask him why when i already ask him to lift my pain, i still feel the pain deep inside?
That i wanna inflict some physical wound so that it can take off some pain out of my heart?
Felt that pain from a wound that you can see is better than the pain from a wound that you cant see.
At least you can apply to make the wound better. But a heart pain makes me want to die.

Dear God,
If you're going to put me thru all these, why didnt you just let me die?
So that i wouldnt have to feel the pain?
Why u just cant let good things happen in my life?
I was happy the other day. When i got the chance.
I thought this is the time for me to change things.
This is the time for me to get things better in my life
I thought that if i grab the chance and make things better, i would be happy again.
But no... you took it away.
What did i do to deserve this?
I'd already promise you everything
Why do you want to take away the most important thing in my life?
Why cant you just let me be happy?
Why do you want to put me thru all these?
Why dont you just let me get involve in a car accident and make me at least lose all my memories?
Why do you want to do this to me?
I just need something good to happen in my life.
Cant u just help me already?

"I dont want to see you anymore"

2009-09-22T12:59:00.002+08:00

Want things to get better.
But when can it be better?
I feel so uneasy.
I cant sit still.
All i want is an answer.
When can i get it?

Please guide me thru this darkness.

2009-09-20T15:07:00.001+08:00

Pleasure of love lasts a moment, pain of love lasts a lifetime.

2009-09-20T14:13:00.002+08:00

I do thank you for giving me an equal chance.
Just that I'm afraid that no matter how hard i try, things just wont change, you wont change your mind, you wont be touched.
I know i said I know u have preferences.
Its just that it's like no matter what i do, you just wont comment about it. Or even talk about it
It makes me lose confidence.

Please grant my wishes already.
I really cant stand this.
Please just help me out

2009-09-18T22:37:00.003+08:00

I'm just asking for a chance
And i really hope that you can grant my wishes.
I'm not asking it has to be now and immediately
Just make sure that in time my wishes will be granted
And that time wont be very far away.
Of course i hope it will happen tomorrow
Can it?
And i hope that while i'm waiting i wont suffer from alot of pain

2009-09-17T14:36:00.002+08:00

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day
You gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

But i just want to give it to you. LOL

Why things just wont go the way i want?

Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!

Keep the faith alive?
Is that what i should do?
That means i should keep waiting and never go away?

To be honest, I'm not even sure i can manage to pull away anyway.
It's like so hard.
And it makes me cant breathe.

Please give me a chance to achieve my goals
Please grant my wishes.

2009-09-16T12:07:00.002+08:00

Why does HE have to put me thru all these?
Why dont just kill me?
Rather than to torture me slowly.

The wait last night was torturing.
Very much unbearable.
That i punched myself in the face and kept asking why am i still waiting
What am i still waiting for
Why does HE wanna put me thru this?
To test my endurance?
All i wanted is things to be normal again
Why do i have to go thru all these?

Do i really need to leave?
Gone without a trace?
Someone please save me

2009-09-15T15:09:00.001+08:00

Why do you wanna do this?
When i sort of decided to go away after your birthday.
Why do you wanna apologise?
You make me even lost now.
You make me dont wanna go away now.

Someone please tell me what to do.

2009-09-14T14:57:00.002+08:00

我让你看到我脆弱的一面
我开始依靠你
当你离开.我依靠的柱子不见了.我就摔倒了

始终没勇气放弃

2009-09-14T14:34:00.001+08:00

Why is it that we love the ones who ignore us and ignore the ones who love us?

2009-09-14T12:21:00.002+08:00

You were the closest to me
Never once I doubted you
Never once I dont oblige to your request
Never once I turn down your favours
Never once I dont find time to spend with you
And you're treating me like shit
Telling me that yeah, you honestly dont give a damn shit about how I feel
Telling me that I'm a loser
Telling me that I'm a f*cking bitch
Yell straight in my face that you f*cking hate me

And honestly speaking I dont even know why am I not mad at you
As in really mad and hate you
I just cant seem to hate you
You are really unhateable. LOL

It is not that I never tried hating you
Tried thinking that you're not important at all to me
Tried telling you that you're a f*cker and mean it
So stop telling me that I never try
Stop yelling into my ears telling me that I'm the one who didnt want to forget
'cause i f*cking tried.
I f*cking tried pulling away.

And it's hard.

2009-09-14T11:58:00.003+08:00

Smash Mouth - You Are My Number One

Hold me down

I'm gonna fly straight to heaven

Hold me down

Dont ever let go

I've been around

You know I can't stay forever

And when I leave

I want you to know

When I'm finally gone, I'm gonna be gone without a trace

There's a lot of good times ahead before we're done

And on top of this list of things before I leave this place

You are my number one, yes you are my number one

Cause you can tell me lies, you know that I'd still believe you

Stay right here dont leave from that spot

I can't go, you know I'm afraid to leave you

Don't you know? you're all that I've got

I'm afraid if you go you might disappear behind a mist

And I'd rather be hung from a tree or shot by a gun

And of all of these things that matter here upon my list

You are my number one, yes you are my number one

You are my number one

Trying to make it clear

Trying to let you know

When you're afraid I'm gonna be there

When I'm finally gone, I'm gonna be gone without a trace

There's a lot of good times ahead before we're done

And and and on top of this list of things before i leave this place

You are my number one

Yeah you are my number one

Whoa baby, said you are my number one

You are my number one

2009-09-13T19:50:00.002+08:00

Why are you so mean?
How can i still be waiting?
How can i swallow everything that you said?
And still want to wait?

How can this happen?
I'm losing my will.
I dont have the will to do anything anymore.
I slept the whole damn day.

Why things have to be this way?
Why things just cant stay the way it is?
And never change?
Where did i screw up?
Why do you have to hate me so badly?
Swear at me?

Where did i screw up?! WHERE?!

PS - Congratulations to you! I'm officially losing my mind. :)

PPS- You should be very happy now,isnt it?

But i still dont hate you.

2009-09-11T11:53:00.002+08:00

For God sake, have some mercy in me.
I can no longer concentrate in anything.

Comp sc exam is about to start in 2 hours time.
Wish me luck.
'Cause i barely studied.

I need u.

2009-09-09T12:42:00.003+08:00

I dont want this to happen.
I dont want to open my eyes and see that I'm going to lose everything that i have.
Why do u need to be so mean?
I felt very happy around you
And u just love to take it away from me.

I dont think "I'll try my best to make it up to you too" meant anything.
It wont take my pain away.

我承认我不坚强, 我是个胆小鬼

I will still wait for a miracle

我放不下你

Again and again

2009-09-08T14:39:00.002+08:00

Hurt again and again.
Why must God be playing me all the time?
When i thought finally it's going to be over,
When i thought things will go very well from now on,
When i thought finally i get to be happy from now on,
God just have to play with my life.
Just have to play me.
Until I fall to my knees
Until I cry my lungs out
Until I have no energy to fight
Until I no longer have the will

Yeah, i know i'm pathetic.
I just cant pull myself up.

I want to be happy.
Why cant u make me happy?
Why do you have to hurt me?
How can u be so mean?

And u, God!
Why are u doing this to me?
What did i do to deserve this?
Or u think it's fun to play me this way?

God,please help me.
Please...

I need u

2009-09-01T14:21:00.002+08:00

Oh, i'm so sorry i abandon my blog for exactly one month. XD
It's not that i dont have things to blog about.
It's just that I got no time for blogging.
Because i'm addicted to facebook. XD
Addicted to the games.
I know i should be studying very hard now for mocks.
But i just cant seem to pull myself away from the comp.
So anyway, i think i screwed up my calculus topic test very badly.
But who cares?
Because our lecturer decided not to take the marks of this topic test into account.
And that means our mocks will be 60% which is really bad.
I doubt i will score half of it. T.T
How can some people be so smart and love calculus so much?
I want to have their brain!
That way i can solve all questions without cracking my head open. Bleh...

Well, its my birthday today. So happy birthday to myself! LOL
Gonna have applics topic test this thurs. And i havent start studying! T.T
And i have plenty of assignment not done yet!
I feel so lazy.
I am lazy.
And i know it's bad. Really bad. Urgh...

Just by thinking how many things are not done, I'm having mood swing now.
urgh...

Ciao!

je t'aime

2009-08-01T15:10:00.000+08:00

对我公平些可以吗？

2009-07-26T17:01:00.002+08:00

人一旦得到某样东西就会越来越贪心吗？
得到了珍珠就会要金条
得到了金条就会要钻石
能不能有一个人是不会改变不会变贪心？

因为认真所以受伤

2009-07-26T16:14:00.002+08:00

我始终还是无法放弃
不管你说的话有多难听，我还是吞下去了

其实我并不知道自己在期待什么
也不知道自己希望什么
也许我只是想要默默陪在你身边
但是自己却很不满足
想要更多更多

想要你关心
想要你担心
想要你嫉妒
想要你陪在我身边
永永远远
不再改变

我们的美好回忆你不记得了吗？

我们之间许下的承诺你忘了吗？

每当自己说服自己是时候放弃了
我就会临时退缩
只因为自己不够坚强
没有勇气面对心里所承受的痛
没有勇气放开

Please have some mercy in me.
For i cant bear the pain any longer.

我承认我是个胆小鬼

2009-07-26T15:50:00.000+08:00

I feel lonely. Can u accompany me?

PS - RIP, Yasmin Ahmad.

2009-07-25T21:26:00.002+08:00

I miss you badly.
What does it take to make everything to be the way it was before?
What can i do to be happy again?

2009-07-11T22:53:00.003+08:00

Fairytales are just for kid. It's just a lie.
It always start with once upon a time and ends with happily ever after.
How i wish that in real life we can end our story with happily ever after too.

I just want to feel the way i feel when i'm with u.

PS - I dont want all these to be just a dream. I dont want 2 open my eyes and lose them all.

This is so stupid

2009-07-09T23:55:00.003+08:00

What's the point of spending so much money on PPSMI since they're gona make all students to study maths and sciences in BM anyway? Don't u think that the education ministry is making a huge mistake? Instead of moving forward,we are now moving backwards.
Students have been studying maths and sciences in english for a long time. They are used to it already. Now, they have to learn in BM? Wth. Let's assume that they can do it,they can adapt to the changes. What about after form 5? When they enter college or university, everything will be in english. What happens then? All students study at government university? Like universiti malaya?
Because of learning maths and sciences in english,our english became better and more powerful. Now that it will be reverted back to BM, i believe the only chance to empower our english language skills is during english class.
Seriously this decision is very stupid. I know that we have to consider the students in the rural area. And i wont say screw them. I believe there's always a way to solve the rural area problem.
I know BM is our national language. No offence,but how often will we use it in future? Let's say we are going to work in UK, we are not going to use BM there,right? We will be using the global language, a language where the whole world would understand.
We wouldnt want a scenario where a malaysian speaks with a very broken english to the whites. It's so embarrassing.

PS - I hope that the government wil change their mind. Because developed countries dont move backwards.

2009-07-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

I was just the fool.

2009-07-05T15:39:00.004+08:00

Just now i went back to my ex high school for carnival day. Well,i would say it feels different to go back as an outsider. I mean last time i took care and set up the stalls. But now,all i had to do is walk around and find way to spend my coupons. Maybe because of time constrain and best friend factor, i find the carnival boring to the extend i dont know how to spend my coupons. LOL

Dont have to blame urself for some failures. U should know and i know that u know, all these arent just ur fault. I would say it's everybody's fault. Dont beat up urself just because of some comment made by people who dont know u. U tried ur best. In fact, u did more than ur part. Other people may not see or give u credit for what u have done. But when all these are successful,the person that should be the happiest is none other than u.
So dont mind what people say or blame u about. Let them be. Dont shed ur tears for such people. Not worth it.
Btw,ur eyes and face are red. Stop asking me that question already. T.T

PS - I'm helpless. I would be happy to even get over a day. I know u wont talk about it with me. I know.

2009-07-04T18:13:00.002+08:00

I dont think "im sry too" meant anything.
It cant stop the pain. It cant do anything.

Sometimes...

2009-07-04T14:37:00.003+08:00

Sometimes we ought to look back and take a look how many people we have hurt along the way.
How many people who love and care about us were hurt by our stupid actions or our razor tongue?
It wasnt easy to do what i'm doing now.
I just couldnt imagine that to you,i'm the same like the others. But i'm not.
In fact, you're damn right about something. U dont have to give a damn about what people think. U only have to listen to ur own heart.
My heart said u're damn not worth the pain but my mind said u cant be wiped out clean. Pathetic,isnt it?

We are not weak just because we broke down and cried.
Do not hold back. Let those tears flow like waterfall.
We will feel better that way.

PS - Yea, kristin wants to have painkiller for her emotions too.

2009-07-03T14:24:00.002+08:00

Today is the 3rd. LOL
wtf.it wasnt supposed to be like that. WTF

Accounts - 79/100
I could have done better. But wat can i expect? I was too moody to study for it.
I'm disappointed.

I screwed up my EE

2009-07-02T22:17:00.004+08:00

Well, like i said i screwed up my mid term exam.
So far i took back 3 papers.

Computer science - 41.5/100
Calculus - 106/180
Maths - 135.5/180

I expected comp science 2 b bad because i didnt really study. Plus i walked out the exam hall earlier by 1 hr.But i didnt expect it 2 turn out tht bad. My mum wil surely kill me when she sees the letter from college. Urgh...
Hope 2ml's accts n english wont b tht bad.
I'm so worried.

Anyways,yesterday i watched grey's anatomy til 3.30 am. Then I set 2 alarm clocks so that i can wake up at 8. But i just kept snoozing them til 10am. Wth. I almost threw my phone down the floor 'cause it's damn annoying.
I guess the clock in my body is upside down now. I feel like an owl during the night. N i look like a panda during the day. Wth

PS - 2ml is supposed 2 b a year n 3 months. Lol...

2009-07-01T22:54:00.002+08:00

I dont know what to say anymore.
You...totally crushed everything.
I'm speechless.
I...am tired of all these craps.
You just proved ur point.
I'm only remembered when you need help.

PS - It hurts to see that you're okay.

It wasnt supposed to be like that

2009-06-29T02:35:00.002+08:00

I was supposed to wipe you clean out of my life.
The way you say things was totally way overboard.
But i didnt know how the hot tempered me swallowed it all down.
I was supposed to get angry and hate you.
For all the words that you threw on me left me with no dignity.

I was supposed to erase every memories that i had with you whether the good or bad ones because it doesnt matter to you. You probably couldnt think of any good ones anyway.Because all you could think of are the bad ones which i'm not that fond of remembering them.

I do hope i will get involve in an accident. Wait! Before you get mad, i want to say that i'm not suicidal. I dont want to die at all. I just want to lose part of my memories. The bitter ones.

PS - I didnt want all this to be like that. But you dont care anyway. So whatever.XD

2009-06-28T08:28:00.003+08:00

Thanks. At least i felt that u cared this time.
I must hav sound pretty stupid last night.
I cant believe i said all that.
My god...it's so embarassing!

PS - My presence is optional i guess. You just dont have any idea how all these stuffs are affecting me.

2009-06-28T01:42:00.002+08:00

You held the key to my heart
I open up once and i guess that's enough
I really never expect to hear that from you
I swallowed whatever you said.
And left myself with no dignity.

Have a nice day everybody. :)

Something that I find it's quite true...

2009-06-27T02:26:00.006+08:00

We make people who love and care about us cry.
We left them heartbroken and acted as if we cant be bothered.
But we cry for people who dont love and care about us.
Even so,we always still want to convince ourselves that there's always a ray of hope.We hoped one day they will realise what they'd missed.We hoped one day they will regret and wished that they can turn back the time to the times when there's someone who truly cares for them.

It's funny and at the same time irony,isnt it?
But hey,this is what we called as life.

PS - At the end of the day,it is the people whom we hurt whether intentionally or not will be there for us when we breakdown,when we're experiencing the lowest moments of our life.'Cause they're the one who love us for who we are.

So,love the people who love you.

2009-06-25T22:12:00.003+08:00

I just want things 2 b the way it was.
I dont want it to change.

PS - Im bloggin use my phone!! XDXD

2009-06-24T21:28:00.002+08:00

由始至终我并不是任何人
或许我应该说你不再想要听我说的话

我知道我不重要了

你确定我们还可以像以前那样吗？

我真的不知道该怎么做
你也不想要跟我说

我不知道啦

New phone!!

2009-06-24T21:22:00.002+08:00

Finally, i've got my new phone!!
My holiday will never be the same anymore! XDXD

My new baby

N85

2009-06-23T22:15:00.002+08:00

与其一味怀念失去的东西，不如好好珍惜剩下的事物
不要让关心你的人担心了

2009-06-23T21:53:00.003+08:00

Well, i didnt really do anything today because i was sleeping from 2 plus to 6pm
What to do? I slept at 4am yesterday... i wanted to stay up till next morning but i have no idea why i found myself lying on the bed this morning.
Anyways, my holiday is such a waste...
I couldnt hang out with any of my friends because they are either having class or exam
So all i do at home is sleep, watch movie and eat.
Which really sucks...
Haiz....
I WANT TO GO OUT VERY BADLY!!!!! T.T

2009-06-22T21:54:00.003+08:00

家是每一个人的避风港
家人本来就应该是我们最要好的朋友
我们可以在家人的面前露出我们最懦弱的一面
但我最要好的朋友不是我的家人
没错，我是可以在他们面前哭
但我从来都不告诉他们我的心事
因为有你听我说心事，在我哭的时候安抚我
所以你应该才是我最要好的朋友吧

我知道你心里很不好受
也知道你觉得自己是个笑话
但是，我希望你知道我并没有这样想
你也不应该这样想
喜欢本来就是一种特殊的感觉
来了就躲不了
你不需要太在乎别人会怎么想
只要自己拿得起放得下就好了
跌倒是会很痛啦
但伤口会痊愈的

我会协助你
记得我说过当你可以坦白说出来，那就代表你已经开始放手了
加油咯

我真的做不到啦
要我怎么坦白？
是我被打到瘫痪，翻肚子而且看到白眼球的那个“瘫白”吗？
真伤脑劲噢...

2009-06-22T12:25:00.002+08:00

Aiyo...holiday wanna sleep longer also cannot.
Early in the morning kena sepak wake up d.
Damn kesian.
I'm currently addicted to the game Left4Dead.
Which is really not for faint hearted.
It almost gave me a heart attack when i first played.

*shrug* I'm speechless

2009-06-21T17:23:00.003+08:00

I dont know what the hell is wrong with me.
I was cycling yesterday and then i dont know wat am i doing.
i seem to be always on the wrong side of the road.
Rushed to turn into a corner that has a car coming.
Almost get knocked down because i'm trying to cross the road?
I wonder is that my problem or the driver's problem?
I mean they dont put signal and when u try to turn they horn u and put their signal.
What the hell?!

And what the hell my mom is trying to do to me?
I've been surviving almost on liquid these few days.
I just didnt want to eat and she have to keep asking why.
And forced me to eat the porridge and mcd.
Wth?
I feel like vomitting now.
Maybe i'm starting to hate food now. Good for me isnt it?

我知道自己不应该这样
却偏偏要这样
不要再这样敷衍我了
可以吗？

2009-06-20T17:04:00.001+08:00

Now i know what all of you think.
I didnt know i am jerk.

I get it now.

2009-06-19T23:04:00.000+08:00

Seriously, how else you wanna treat me?

2009-06-19T22:31:00.001+08:00

I dont need it either.

2009-06-19T21:58:00.002+08:00

Have u think about how i would feel?
About the pain i'm feeling now?
All u would say is time will cure.
But how long?
A month? A year? Now?
I'm already half dead.
I know. It's all my fault.
Can u hear my heart's breaking into pieces?
Even other people can hear it, why cant u?
Are u just trying to act you're deaf or u just couldnt care less?
Would u care to do the jigsaw puzzle for me?

i really dont want this.

2009-06-17T23:06:00.003+08:00

it's hard to be alone.

where nobody can see or hear you.

u.me.me.u.

there's miracle when u believe.

2009-06-17T15:49:00.003+08:00

Every moment i spent with you is a moment I treasure

I dont want to close my eyes

I dont want to fall asleep

'Cause i'd miss you

PS - Whether you believe it or not, i wouldnt do that again. I know you dont believe... but that's all i can say. It's up to you to believe or not.

Everything's upside down

2009-06-16T17:17:00.002+08:00

Who was there for me when i'm crying?

I dont want to be emo.

I feel weak and vulnerable.

I feel sick!

2009-06-08T16:19:00.002+08:00

Where are you?

Why do u act like how i imagined you wouldn't be?

This is not the end right?

Dont go away, i will be afraid.

Life would be diffeerent without you.

It's not what you think it is...

2009-06-08T12:25:00.002+08:00

I'm not abandoning my blog. It's just that i feel there's nothing to blog about. Even i have, my mind become empty when i sit infront of the comp.

Mid year exam is 1 week from now. And i havent started a single thing. :(
Calculus is totally a killer.

I miss high school. Miss high school holidays. At least they're long enough and at the right time. Now in college, i have holi when other people's having school. And people's having holi now when i'm suffering in college. Hate it.

Things are getting rough lately. And i dont know why.

I miss you

Too desperate

2009-05-11T09:54:00.003+08:00

Nowadays, some people are getting sicker and sicker to the extend that i'm ashamed for being in the same category as them in the mammalia class. Human are supposed to be warm blooded. Human are supposed to be able to think the consequences of their action. Human are supposed to be more caring, loving. But instead, desperate people are taking other people's life.

For a handbag that has a few hundred bucks, a handphone, a set of keys etc etc, they are willing to kill. They are cold hearted enough to push pregnant ladies down the motorbike until they're ran over by a vehicle. Killing the lady and the baby.

They dont even pity the unborn child that is hoping to see the world. They dont mind crushing hopes of the unborn's parents, grandparents. They have no idea that they left some spouses a widow, some children to grow up without a mother's love, some parents with their daughter passing away before them.

Sick

Oh well...

2009-04-28T15:57:00.003+08:00

My mom went to taiwan yesterday. So until friday, my house will be having "party" till it collapse.
I'm actually kinda upset that i cant follow as well because taiwan is like the food and clothes place.
I fell in love with the original bubble tea when i first went to taiwan 2 years ago. Before that, when i drink bubble tea here, i normally drink the ones with flavor (honeydew etc etc). But when i went taiwan, there's only original bubble tea. So i kinda got hooked up and ended up spending 35 TWD (RM 3.50) on bubble tea and 60TWD (RM 6) on taiwan sausage everyday. Both had been a must for both of the trips to taiwan.

Finally holiday's here. But it's just for 1 week. Boo!

PS - I'm so bored here. Somebody please save me!!!

Missing you.

5 course meal

2009-04-22T14:04:00.002+08:00

Uhm...just now i went to the Sunway restaurant for lunch.
This restaurant is managed by the hospitality course student.
Well, it was kinda a 5 star restaurant with all the shiny cutlery on the table...the orange napkin...the glasses...

The starter - Bread with cheese on top
The appetizer - something like seafood salad (got fish, squid and prawn)
Maincourse - Paprika chicken
Desert - Creme caramel (some really really sweet egg custard)
Lastly i had tea.

Well, in between,while waiting for the meal to be served, i drank hell lot of water because the speed of the students serving is quite slow. And i went to the restroom for like 2 times during the meal.
And my frens were like some jakuns. Tasting the milk that are mend for coffee and tea. And argue whether isit condensed milk or fresh milk. *shake head*

The set lunch cost about 18.50. The food is nice and i would say its worth eating. Since i drank so many cups of water isnt it?

PS - I walked out the restaurant with a satisfied stomach, a bladder full with water and a lighter wallet.

I'm still waiting to talk to you.

I'll be there.

2009-04-21T17:09:00.003+08:00

I keep your heart with me.
I keep it in my heart.

You keep me, my heart, our memories and everything in the cupboard.

PS - I got 70+ for my account topic test. Lol...i expected better result! :(

PPS - i'll be there when you just need someone to bitch to.

Cheers!

I'm afraid

2009-04-20T09:51:00.003+08:00

I'm afraid that you will go away again.

Please dont disappear again.

PS - R.I.P

I miss you.

I dont know what to do

2009-04-18T11:37:00.004+08:00

Everytime you leave i was wondering are you with the other person
Everytime you're upset i was thinking are you now with that person and is that person comforting you
Everytime you leave i was afraid that you wont come back again
Everytime you are cold i was scared that you're gonna say the same words again
Everytime i close my eyes, the words that you said keeps playing in my head and it wont go away
Everytime i think about the things that you said, i cant say that i dont agree

PS - It really hurts to think what you said. It's hurting to think that that's what you think.

Everytime i close my eyes

When you dont tell me you love me.

2009-04-16T14:43:00.003+08:00

When you tell me that you love me

I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me

PS - It's a nice song.

I'm loving you.

Exams... Exams... EXAMS!!!!

2009-04-14T08:40:00.004+08:00

Full of exam this month.

Let's see... i finished applics last monday. This thursday got accounts topic test. This saturday got moral test. Next tuesday got calculus. LOL... i'm stressed up and yet im blogging here.

So everything is back to normal again. At least for now.
I hope it will last this time.

PS - I've never stop loving you.

I'm happy with you. XDXD

Just like car.

2009-04-13T12:28:00.005+08:00

PS - Thanks for being there to let me embarass myself infront of you.

I broke down.

Crushed all over again.

2009-04-13T08:09:00.002+08:00

It still came. But i promised i wont do anything stupid like laying a blade on my wrist whether or not I'm suicidal or purely needed to share the pain at the other parts of myself. I'm serious this time i hope you can give me some credit on that.
It hurts to think that when I'm missing you, you're missing someone else.
It hurts to think that when I'm crying over you, you're crying over someone else.
It hurts to think that no matter what i do, you wont bother anymore.
It hurts to think that things will be very different from now on.
It hurts to think that you wont be there anymore.
It hurts really.
You call me selfish you call me bitchy... Have you ever thought how would i feel?
Especially when you say those words?
Why do you have to be so honest? Why try to be honest now after so long?
You happy now? That you break my heart and yet you can stay as an honest person a good person?
I cant even focus on anything now.
To be honest to you, i really feel like dying.
I just dont care anymore.
It's best if i can leave without doing anything that you can blame me with. Terminal cancer, car accident, being hated so much that that person decided to stab me. LOL
Dont you worry, I just WONT do it again because i love you.
I dont know how to face you anymore. I hope you will come back. Please..

I just want the pain to go away.

You happy now?

Life's simple but never easy.

Joke of the year

不知道应该觉得开心吗

Could not recover.

Still very exhausted

Damn exhausted

心分成了一百片

我是大笨猪

公理 在哪裏?

我哭了

Extra marital affair

Kindness...or nothing better to do?

Love between siblings

不怕痛

误认

力气的大小

无辜的鸡

Hurtful things that I've heard

Again and again

This is so stupid

Sometimes...

I screwed up my EE

It wasnt supposed to be like that

Something that I find it's quite true...

New phone!!

Everything's upside down

It's not what you think it is...

Too desperate

Oh well...

5 course meal

I'll be there.

I'm afraid

I dont know what to do

When you dont tell me you love me.

Exams... Exams... EXAMS!!!!

Just like car.

Crushed all over again.

公理在哪裏?