I made a fool out of myself

Today is just the second day and I’m already like a walking zombie. I’m under the weather now. I’m down with cough, flu, and sore throat. Next thing I will be having fever. Mom asked me to take medicine. She even put it right in front of me. I’m shocked actually because she hardly does that for me. But once she turns her back away from me, I stared at the pills. I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly I just grab the pills and throw it out of the window. At that point of time, my mind was totally blank. I just realize I didn’t want to get better. I just want to be too sick to not bother what’s happening out there. You may say I’m stupid. Say I’m silly. Say I’m out of my mind. But I just can’t help it.

Trust me when u say that statement, I felt hope. I felt a little happy. I was hoping you would continue but u didn’t. I guess u just realize that you said something that you don’t intend to say. I didn’t know what to do. I tried my best. But you’re just as cold as you seem.

To be honest, a quarter of me didn’t want to be there yesterday. I didn’t want to hear you say things that will hurt me deeper. But the remaining of me wants to be there for you. I know I should not have kept ranting everything about me. I know you’re equally upset and hurt as me. At that time, I was thinking if I wasn’t there, who would be there? Who would be there to comfort you? Who would be there to keep you accompanied and not to let u be lonely? Who would make a fool of themselves just to make u feel better? I really hope what I did yesterday at least make u feel a little better.

I was sitting in the bathroom with my clothes on thinking with the water flowing down me just now. When I walk out of the room, I was wet from head to toe. My parents thought that a pipe burst in the bathroom. That really makes my sis laugh her ass off. I thought of many things that happen in my life. I even remember the last time I did it. I looked for the scar but I can’t find it. It was so long ago that I even forget which wrist was it. The right? Or the left? I don’t remember anymore.




I can’t concentrate anymore. I’m losing all my focus. I’m losing myself.
I just needed it to distract me from the pain I’m having now. I’m sorry.

Oh god, what have I done to my life?


PS – For God’s sake, take good care of yourself.

不要你离开 距离隔不开

“I’ll be the shoulder when u cry.”