If I have the courage to stab myself, i would stab myself in the heart.
Because u make it hurt so badly that i dont want to feel it for another second.
You just promised me yesterday and now you change your mind again.
I hate myself u know that? I believed everything you said again and again even though u hurt me u lied to me again and again.
Fuck my life really.
U promised nothing is going to change again.
U promised you would not leave again.
U promised what she said will not turn out to be true, that you would prove her wrong.
U promised that we will TRY and work this out.
You are a liar. and I'm a fucking believer.
U really screwed me inside out u know that?
Do you have any idea how much fun how happy i was?
The things you said the way you cared the way you worry.
Even after coming back you kept ur promise.
You promise you would not change and u didnt.
But now just because of a stupid mistake, u changed.
You fucked up my life again.
I said a million times that im sorry.
And yet you just cant be bothered.
Do u know how worried i was? How frustrating it is?
U gave me all the assurance and because of a small mistake, you let it plunge down to zero.

I just want us to get back to how we were before what happened yesterday.
Stop hurting me

你很残忍
这 我得称赞你
你一次又一次让我相信你的谎言
你一次又一次把捧我上天堂 然后再把我打进谷底
你真的很厉害 I have to hand it to you

请看清楚 我是人 我是有心跳会流血会受伤的人 不是你的那条狗
我也有感觉 我的心不是石头或铁做的你懂吗
我感觉得到痛 那一种想要把心挖出来丢掉的痛

如果他从来没有打算要让我开心
为什么他不把我的所有带走
我宁可死 也不要再听到你的谎言 也不想再见到你

你真的伤我很深

There is a roller coaster in my tummy.
Save me!
Had too much chili for dinner.
And someone did not stop me in time.
Grr...

I wanna stop being the one who ruin ur day can I?

Joke of the year

It's only 14th of January of a brand new year
And i already heard the joke of the year.
Some 15 years old kid called me AUNTY in a party.
Tell me, how can it not be the joke of the year?

I laughed it off because I dont know what reaction was expected out of me.
But it doesnt mean i dont feel hurt at all.

I had fun this afternoon.
Everything is worth it.

不知道应该觉得开心吗

Are you really back?

睜開眼 空氣在沸騰轉變
我突然 多了好多的體會
如果說夢想 醒來一捏就粉碎
世界就只是一層安靜的灰

曾躲在 幾十億人海裡面
因為愛 才能擠撞到前面
我要的不多 就幾分鐘的時間
讓我大聲說出心裡的感謝

愛 是我的第一站
愛 給了我方向感
愛 寸步也沒離開
陪我從模糊的地帶
走到陽光正在打亮的舞台

被雨淋過的勇敢
被你給過的溫暖
全都在

愛 未來的第一站
愛 教我把夢拉開
愛 要我抬起頭看
天空中最微弱的星
也有權利爭取最美的燦爛

你给了我 方向

Could not recover.

Yesterday was an awful day.
Put hope that things will get better.
But it end up worse.
Hurt even more. Cried even badly.
I was furious when i got home.
I was mad at you. Mad at God.
That explains why so many four letter word in one sms.
Why did you guys left me alone licking my own wound?
Why did you lie to me when i trusted you?
I was so mad. If there is a line between hate and dont hate, I almost crossed it yesterday.
I thought everything would be different.
Who told me that say your prayers and God will answer them?
Who told me I matters alot?
Why did you show that you care when all you did was to push me aside and ignore me?
Your sms... dont know what it means. I just hope that it will be starting something new and good.

Hope, I put.

Still very exhausted

Slept almost three quarter of the day.
My body felt so soft.
My limbs felt they are all over the place.
Had fever and cough but it's alright now.
Who knew going for a 3 days 2 nights camp could bring so much pain? =(

But it's alright.
Aching limbs means I'm building muscles right? =)

你知道和我很舒服
你知道你可以告诉我你最贴身的秘密
我和你中间有个很模糊的线
为什么你不能尝试走过来呢？
请想一想吧

I miss you
Day 8

Damn exhausted

I'm back! From a 3 days 2 nights camp at Ayer Keroh, Malacca.
Awesome place except that ants are crawling everywhere and mosquitoes are constanly biting you,sucking your blood.
Ants might just be all over inside your luggage when you are out for activities.
2 of the students got that.
As for me? alot and alot of mosquito bites.
I have never lighted SO many mosquito coils in my whole life.

What's awesome about this camp? I guess it's the semi-awesome students(not all of them is awesome), the delicious food(as good as u can get in a jungle environment) and the awesome fellow facilitators.

I am so tired that i fell asleep while sitting on the toilet bowl. My body is aching everywhere. Really old already.

I can barely open my eyes when im typing this. Gotta go catch alot of sleep.

Isit really impossible? Will you tell me you will reconsider?
Will things go back to the way it was?
Will miracle come and give me a surprise?

I miss you

Day 7

心分成了一百片

我把心交了給你
你把它撕開了

今天似乎都沒有任何改變
沒有奇跡沒有更多的希望

我不知道啦
心很煩
明明知道答案 又不要承認

我都不知道要沉還是要浮
亂死我了

你現在很開心嗎?

想念你的第四天

我是大笨猪

你告訴我你喜歡和我在一起
你告訴我你和我在一起很開心
你告訴我我們會在一起長長久久
你告訴我就算我們的距離有多遠 對彼此的心都不會變
你告訴我你不會離開我 會陪我走我人生道路
你告訴我我不舒服你會心痛
你告訴我你很幸運有我
你告訴我我們很久沒有出去所以你很想念我
你告訴我你的新年新希望就是一天比一天更愛我
你告訴我我不笨 最笨就是愛上你
你告訴我你會永遠喜歡我

我完完全全相信了你
但你騙了我

你告訴我你並沒有想我
你告訴我你每一次說想我都是假的
你知道你讓我有多傷心嗎?

你讓我覺得自己是不值得的
我本來就不應該存在在這個世界裏
你來告訴我好了
我是不是大笨蛋

我以为东西会好转
不知道竟然会让我觉得更苦

你是知道的
你和我 很舒服

想念你的第三天

公理 在哪裏?

A heart ache is a pain that you cant rub any medicine on it and wish that it will heal by tomorrow.

我夢見你對我很好
感覺好像心不再痛了 而且還感覺好好噢
突然醒來了 我哭了
原來只是個夢

昨天到某個程度 我覺得開心
開心你告訴我 你嫉妒
我還以爲 終于有點希望 終于天有一片光亮

今天看見你
你好像沒有再生氣了
讓我更覺得有希望
結果你回到家后 你碰上了你等待/不見讓你傷心的那個人
你們談天 你忘了回我
我打給你 你告訴我你們吵架
讓你覺得心煩
讓你覺得傷心

這個人值得嗎?
值得難過和無奈嗎?

你說你會嫉妒
聼了 很高興
應該只有在乎的時候才會嫉妒吧
以爲你在乎了 但卻只是讓我跌得吃狗屎的洞

老天爺啊 你爲什麽給我希望啊
我還以爲那是我真在等待的奇跡
你爲什麽一腳又把我踢進洞裏
剛才聽到的話讓我覺得想哭 你知道嗎?

老天爺 如果你要我繼續感受那種疼痛 那種每一天起來覺得失望的感覺
那你把我帶走好嗎?
我什麽都不要了
Iphone4 不要了
朋友親人 我不要了
我只是想要離開
到一個只有歡樂沒有悲傷的地方
或者我也可以失憶
我寧可忘記開心的回憶 也不想記得你對我說的那些毒辣的話
我要車禍可以嗎?
我要跌傷頭可以嗎?

想念你的第二天

人生實在太可笑了
你喜歡的人不喜歡你 喜歡你的人你偏偏不喜歡

我哭了

明明答應自己不可以掉淚
但是淚水還是滾了下來

我很想念你
你說的那些話還在我的腦子裏盤旋着
我越不想要想 它就越回來

爲什麽你那麽殘忍
爲什麽你把話説得那麽殘酷
難道你不知道我會很傷心嗎?
難道你不知道我會心痛嗎?
難道我傷心對你來説一點也不值得安慰嗎?
我哭你不心痛嗎?

憎恨你應該是一件很容易辦到的事情
你讓我獨自在房裏哭
你讓我痛撤心扉

我生氣你一點也不在乎
我生氣你搞亂我的心然後把我丟下
我生氣你一次又一次傷害我
我生氣你把事情做到最過分

我生氣自己對你好無防備 讓你進入我的心房
我生氣自己那麽的愚蠢 對你說的每一句話深信無疑
我生氣自己把你看得那麽重要
我生氣自己把事情搞砸了

剛才我真的很需要你
我哭到停不下來
越想停就越想起你說的每一個字
我這一次真的糟糕了

不是習慣不是依賴
而是喜歡

禮物多又怎樣 本來應該以情侶的身份給的
現在你卻憎恨我有如我是你的殺父兇手
本來收到禮物應該很開心 不過卻相反
你知道我有多麽期待看到你替我精心挑選的禮物嗎?

我想念和你開心一起過的日子

想念你的第一天