I wish that i could tell you that i feel numb now.
But honestly i dont know how i feel now.
Part of me is happy, part of me is not letting my guards down 'cause its afraid that i'll get hurt again.


When one's heart is overfilled with joy, some spill from their eyes.

Why do you want to do this to me?
I was hoping to talk to you.
Why must u take this chance aaway from me?
I cant stand it okay?
I cant.
U have no idea what i'm going thru, dont you?
Go thru the suffer every single day
Try to act like a clown
I'm not allowed to express how i feel just because it makes u sick.
What am i now?
Make improvements you say?
Care for each other you say?
Peace you say?
This is the way?

Honestly, i'm getting very f*cked up now.
U just dont care dont you?
U just dont mind hurting other people dont you?
Not after losing it, you wont realise what you're missing?
Must something big that is able to make u awake happen, before you'll regret what you did?

When will you realise wat you're missing?

How do u expect me not to think about it?
How am i suppose to just forget about it?
I dont want my birthday to be the last best memory that im going to have.
I dont want to give up being happy.

God, why cant u help me out already?
Dont take the smile away from me.

I dont get it
Why cant u let me be happy?
What did i do to deserve this from you?
To need to swallow all those hurtful stuff that you said all by myself?
Why do i have to cry while walking home?
Why do i have to lock myself in the room and cry?
And at the same time keep asking Him why does he want to do this to me?
Ask him why when i already prayed so hard, I still got hurt?
Ask him why when i already ask him to lift my pain, i still feel the pain deep inside?
That i wanna inflict some physical wound so that it can take off some pain out of my heart?
Felt that pain from a wound that you can see is better than the pain from a wound that you cant see.
At least you can apply to make the wound better. But a heart pain makes me want to die.

Dear God,
If you're going to put me thru all these, why didnt you just let me die?
So that i wouldnt have to feel the pain?
Why u just cant let good things happen in my life?
I was happy the other day. When i got the chance.
I thought this is the time for me to change things.
This is the time for me to get things better in my life
I thought that if i grab the chance and make things better, i would be happy again.
But no... you took it away.
What did i do to deserve this?
I'd already promise you everything
Why do you want to take away the most important thing in my life?
Why cant you just let me be happy?
Why do you want to put me thru all these?
Why dont you just let me get involve in a car accident and make me at least lose all my memories?
Why do you want to do this to me?
I just need something good to happen in my life.
Cant u just help me already?


"I dont want to see you anymore"

Want things to get better.
But when can it be better?
I feel so uneasy.
I cant sit still.
All i want is an answer.
When can i get it?

Please guide me thru this darkness.

Pleasure of love lasts a moment, pain of love lasts a lifetime.

I do thank you for giving me an equal chance.
Just that I'm afraid that no matter how hard i try, things just wont change, you wont change your mind, you wont be touched.
I know i said I know u have preferences.
Its just that it's like no matter what i do, you just wont comment about it. Or even talk about it
It makes me lose confidence.

Please grant my wishes already.
I really cant stand this.
Please just help me out

I'm just asking for a chance
And i really hope that you can grant my wishes.
I'm not asking it has to be now and immediately
Just make sure that in time my wishes will be granted
And that time wont be very far away.
Of course i hope it will happen tomorrow
Can it?
And i hope that while i'm waiting i wont suffer from alot of pain

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day
You gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

But i just want to give it to you. LOL

Why things just wont go the way i want?

Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!

Keep the faith alive?
Is that what i should do?
That means i should keep waiting and never go away?

To be honest, I'm not even sure i can manage to pull away anyway.
It's like so hard.
And it makes me cant breathe.

Please give me a chance to achieve my goals
Please grant my wishes.

Why does HE have to put me thru all these?
Why dont just kill me?
Rather than to torture me slowly.

The wait last night was torturing.
Very much unbearable.
That i punched myself in the face and kept asking why am i still waiting
What am i still waiting for
Why does HE wanna put me thru this?
To test my endurance?
All i wanted is things to be normal again
Why do i have to go thru all these?



Do i really need to leave?
Gone without a trace?
Someone please save me

Why do you wanna do this?
When i sort of decided to go away after your birthday.
Why do you wanna apologise?
You make me even lost now.
You make me dont wanna go away now.

Someone please tell me what to do.

我让你看到我脆弱的一面
我开始依靠你
当你离开.我依靠的柱子不见了.我就摔倒了

始 终 没 勇 气 放 弃

Why is it that we love the ones who ignore us and ignore the ones who love us?

You were the closest to me
Never once I doubted you
Never once I dont oblige to your request
Never once I turn down your favours
Never once I dont find time to spend with you
And you're treating me like shit
Telling me that yeah, you honestly dont give a damn shit about how I feel
Telling me that I'm a loser
Telling me that I'm a f*cking bitch
Yell straight in my face that you f*cking hate me

And honestly speaking I dont even know why am I not mad at you
As in really mad and hate you
I just cant seem to hate you
You are really unhateable. LOL

It is not that I never tried hating you
Tried thinking that you're not important at all to me
Tried telling you that you're a f*cker and mean it
So stop telling me that I never try
Stop yelling into my ears telling me that I'm the one who didnt want to forget
'cause i f*cking tried.
I f*cking tried pulling away.

And it's hard.

Smash Mouth - You Are My Number One

Hold me down

I'm gonna fly straight to heaven

Hold me down

Dont ever let go

I've been around

You know I can't stay forever

And when I leave

I want you to know

When I'm finally gone, I'm gonna be gone without a trace

There's a lot of good times ahead before we're done

And on top of this list of things before I leave this place

You are my number one, yes you are my number one

Cause you can tell me lies, you know that I'd still believe you

Stay right here dont leave from that spot

I can't go, you know I'm afraid to leave you

Don't you know? you're all that I've got

I'm afraid if you go you might disappear behind a mist

And I'd rather be hung from a tree or shot by a gun

And of all of these things that matter here upon my list

You are my number one, yes you are my number one

You are my number one

Trying to make it clear

Trying to let you know

When you're afraid I'm gonna be there

When I'm finally gone, I'm gonna be gone without a trace

There's a lot of good times ahead before we're done

And and and on top of this list of things before i leave this place

You are my number one

Yeah you are my number one

Whoa baby, said you are my number one

You are my number one

Why are you so mean?
How can i still be waiting?
How can i swallow everything that you said?
And still want to wait?

How can this happen?
I'm losing my will.
I dont have the will to do anything anymore.
I slept the whole damn day.

Why things have to be this way?
Why things just cant stay the way it is?
And never change?
Where did i screw up?
Why do you have to hate me so badly?
Swear at me?

Where did i screw up?! WHERE?!


PS - Congratulations to you! I'm officially losing my mind. :)

PPS- You should be very happy now,isnt it?


But i still dont hate you.

For God sake, have some mercy in me.
I can no longer concentrate in anything.

Comp sc exam is about to start in 2 hours time.
Wish me luck.
'Cause i barely studied.

I need u.

I dont want this to happen.
I dont want to open my eyes and see that I'm going to lose everything that i have.
Why do u need to be so mean?
I felt very happy around you
And u just love to take it away from me.

I dont think "I'll try my best to make it up to you too" meant anything.
It wont take my pain away.


我承认我不坚强, 我是个胆小鬼


I will still wait for a miracle


我放不下你

Again and again

Hurt again and again.
Why must God be playing me all the time?
When i thought finally it's going to be over,
When i thought things will go very well from now on,
When i thought finally i get to be happy from now on,
God just have to play with my life.
Just have to play me.
Until I fall to my knees
Until I cry my lungs out
Until I have no energy to fight
Until I no longer have the will

Yeah, i know i'm pathetic.
I just cant pull myself up.

I want to be happy.
Why cant u make me happy?
Why do you have to hurt me?
How can u be so mean?

And u, God!
Why are u doing this to me?
What did i do to deserve this?
Or u think it's fun to play me this way?




God,please help me.
Please...

I need u

Oh, i'm so sorry i abandon my blog for exactly one month. XD
It's not that i dont have things to blog about.
It's just that I got no time for blogging.
Because i'm addicted to facebook. XD
Addicted to the games.
I know i should be studying very hard now for mocks.
But i just cant seem to pull myself away from the comp.
So anyway, i think i screwed up my calculus topic test very badly.
But who cares?
Because our lecturer decided not to take the marks of this topic test into account.
And that means our mocks will be 60% which is really bad.
I doubt i will score half of it. T.T
How can some people be so smart and love calculus so much?
I want to have their brain!
That way i can solve all questions without cracking my head open. Bleh...

Well, its my birthday today. So happy birthday to myself! LOL
Gonna have applics topic test this thurs. And i havent start studying! T.T
And i have plenty of assignment not done yet!
I feel so lazy.
I am lazy.
And i know it's bad. Really bad. Urgh...

Just by thinking how many things are not done, I'm having mood swing now.
urgh...

Ciao!

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