I dont wish that anything will change.
I really regret what i done the other day.

不要走开可以吗？
我真的后悔了

心里的安全感渐渐减少
你可以帮帮我吗？

我害怕了害怕的感觉

我已将嫉妒与悲伤转化为对自己的折磨

我已将心里的痛转化为身上的痛

因为心里抓摸不到的痛比身上的痛还要痛

9 more days to finals...
And the best part is i just finish one chapter of accounts out of the five subjects.
:)

Someone please tell me that I'm screwed.

I wish for a miracle.

Because I really need one.

Because I really want to have something.


Dude, i really hope that you could make up your mind ASAP.
Because the suspense is somehow killing me too.

I want you.
You know i cant resist you. :)

Lost. Despair. Hopeless. Helpless.

I am lifesmisery. Lifesmisery is me. It is my identity.

You cant deny me.

Because...

I.am.who.I.am.

Hurtful things that I've heard

"You're a fucking bitch."
"Fucking asshole"
"Get lost forever"
"I dont want to see you anymore"
"I hate you"
"You're the pain in my ass"
"You're driving me up the wall"
"You made me suffer, do you know that?"
"Whatever i did was just to make you shut up"
"I only need you when I'm lonely"
"Honestly, i dont care how you feel"

A big congratulation to you, you have the talent of becoming a successful actress
And it would be a waste if you dont join the entertainment industry
A big thank you to you too for inflicting another wound on the heart of mine that was in the process of recovering
Thank you for pushing me to the limit
Thank you for being mean
Thank you for telling me all those hurtful things when i most needed is comfort and a shoulder to cry on
Thank you for walking away as if nothing happened at the lowest moment in my life
Thank you for ignoring the pain that i felt
Thank you for letting me know that you dont fucking care how upset i am
Thank you for lying
Thank you for crushing all my hopes
Thank you for letting me be happy for a moment, and let me suffer after that moment
Thank you for letting me have the best moments of my life for a moment, and let me go through the nightmare after that moment

I put in so much effort for this and i thought that Yay! Finally my luck's changing! but it wasnt.
It just got worse.
U hurt me. Happy now?

I wish that i could tell you that i feel numb now.
But honestly i dont know how i feel now.
Part of me is happy, part of me is not letting my guards down 'cause its afraid that i'll get hurt again.


When one's heart is overfilled with joy, some spill from their eyes.

Why do you want to do this to me?
I was hoping to talk to you.
Why must u take this chance aaway from me?
I cant stand it okay?
I cant.
U have no idea what i'm going thru, dont you?
Go thru the suffer every single day
Try to act like a clown
I'm not allowed to express how i feel just because it makes u sick.
What am i now?
Make improvements you say?
Care for each other you say?
Peace you say?
This is the way?

Honestly, i'm getting very f*cked up now.
U just dont care dont you?
U just dont mind hurting other people dont you?
Not after losing it, you wont realise what you're missing?
Must something big that is able to make u awake happen, before you'll regret what you did?

When will you realise wat you're missing?

How do u expect me not to think about it?
How am i suppose to just forget about it?
I dont want my birthday to be the last best memory that im going to have.
I dont want to give up being happy.

God, why cant u help me out already?
Dont take the smile away from me.

I dont get it
Why cant u let me be happy?
What did i do to deserve this from you?
To need to swallow all those hurtful stuff that you said all by myself?
Why do i have to cry while walking home?
Why do i have to lock myself in the room and cry?
And at the same time keep asking Him why does he want to do this to me?
Ask him why when i already prayed so hard, I still got hurt?
Ask him why when i already ask him to lift my pain, i still feel the pain deep inside?
That i wanna inflict some physical wound so that it can take off some pain out of my heart?
Felt that pain from a wound that you can see is better than the pain from a wound that you cant see.
At least you can apply to make the wound better. But a heart pain makes me want to die.

Dear God,
If you're going to put me thru all these, why didnt you just let me die?
So that i wouldnt have to feel the pain?
Why u just cant let good things happen in my life?
I was happy the other day. When i got the chance.
I thought this is the time for me to change things.
This is the time for me to get things better in my life
I thought that if i grab the chance and make things better, i would be happy again.
But no... you took it away.
What did i do to deserve this?
I'd already promise you everything
Why do you want to take away the most important thing in my life?
Why cant you just let me be happy?
Why do you want to put me thru all these?
Why dont you just let me get involve in a car accident and make me at least lose all my memories?
Why do you want to do this to me?
I just need something good to happen in my life.
Cant u just help me already?


"I dont want to see you anymore"

Want things to get better.
But when can it be better?
I feel so uneasy.
I cant sit still.
All i want is an answer.
When can i get it?

Please guide me thru this darkness.

Pleasure of love lasts a moment, pain of love lasts a lifetime.

I do thank you for giving me an equal chance.
Just that I'm afraid that no matter how hard i try, things just wont change, you wont change your mind, you wont be touched.
I know i said I know u have preferences.
Its just that it's like no matter what i do, you just wont comment about it. Or even talk about it
It makes me lose confidence.

Please grant my wishes already.
I really cant stand this.
Please just help me out

I'm just asking for a chance
And i really hope that you can grant my wishes.
I'm not asking it has to be now and immediately
Just make sure that in time my wishes will be granted
And that time wont be very far away.
Of course i hope it will happen tomorrow
Can it?
And i hope that while i'm waiting i wont suffer from alot of pain

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day
You gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

But i just want to give it to you. LOL

Why things just wont go the way i want?

Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!

Keep the faith alive?
Is that what i should do?
That means i should keep waiting and never go away?

To be honest, I'm not even sure i can manage to pull away anyway.
It's like so hard.
And it makes me cant breathe.

Please give me a chance to achieve my goals
Please grant my wishes.

Why does HE have to put me thru all these?
Why dont just kill me?
Rather than to torture me slowly.

The wait last night was torturing.
Very much unbearable.
That i punched myself in the face and kept asking why am i still waiting
What am i still waiting for
Why does HE wanna put me thru this?
To test my endurance?
All i wanted is things to be normal again
Why do i have to go thru all these?



Do i really need to leave?
Gone without a trace?
Someone please save me

Why do you wanna do this?
When i sort of decided to go away after your birthday.
Why do you wanna apologise?
You make me even lost now.
You make me dont wanna go away now.

Someone please tell me what to do.

我让你看到我脆弱的一面
我开始依靠你
当你离开.我依靠的柱子不见了.我就摔倒了

始 终 没 勇 气 放 弃

Why is it that we love the ones who ignore us and ignore the ones who love us?

You were the closest to me
Never once I doubted you
Never once I dont oblige to your request
Never once I turn down your favours
Never once I dont find time to spend with you
And you're treating me like shit
Telling me that yeah, you honestly dont give a damn shit about how I feel
Telling me that I'm a loser
Telling me that I'm a f*cking bitch
Yell straight in my face that you f*cking hate me

And honestly speaking I dont even know why am I not mad at you
As in really mad and hate you
I just cant seem to hate you
You are really unhateable. LOL

It is not that I never tried hating you
Tried thinking that you're not important at all to me
Tried telling you that you're a f*cker and mean it
So stop telling me that I never try
Stop yelling into my ears telling me that I'm the one who didnt want to forget
'cause i f*cking tried.
I f*cking tried pulling away.

And it's hard.

Smash Mouth - You Are My Number One

Hold me down

I'm gonna fly straight to heaven

Hold me down

Dont ever let go

I've been around

You know I can't stay forever

And when I leave

I want you to know

When I'm finally gone, I'm gonna be gone without a trace

There's a lot of good times ahead before we're done

And on top of this list of things before I leave this place

You are my number one, yes you are my number one

Cause you can tell me lies, you know that I'd still believe you

Stay right here dont leave from that spot

I can't go, you know I'm afraid to leave you

Don't you know? you're all that I've got

I'm afraid if you go you might disappear behind a mist

And I'd rather be hung from a tree or shot by a gun

And of all of these things that matter here upon my list

You are my number one, yes you are my number one

You are my number one

Trying to make it clear

Trying to let you know

When you're afraid I'm gonna be there

When I'm finally gone, I'm gonna be gone without a trace

There's a lot of good times ahead before we're done

And and and on top of this list of things before i leave this place

You are my number one

Yeah you are my number one

Whoa baby, said you are my number one

You are my number one

Why are you so mean?
How can i still be waiting?
How can i swallow everything that you said?
And still want to wait?

How can this happen?
I'm losing my will.
I dont have the will to do anything anymore.
I slept the whole damn day.

Why things have to be this way?
Why things just cant stay the way it is?
And never change?
Where did i screw up?
Why do you have to hate me so badly?
Swear at me?

Where did i screw up?! WHERE?!


PS - Congratulations to you! I'm officially losing my mind. :)

PPS- You should be very happy now,isnt it?


But i still dont hate you.

For God sake, have some mercy in me.
I can no longer concentrate in anything.

Comp sc exam is about to start in 2 hours time.
Wish me luck.
'Cause i barely studied.

I need u.

I dont want this to happen.
I dont want to open my eyes and see that I'm going to lose everything that i have.
Why do u need to be so mean?
I felt very happy around you
And u just love to take it away from me.

I dont think "I'll try my best to make it up to you too" meant anything.
It wont take my pain away.


我承认我不坚强, 我是个胆小鬼


I will still wait for a miracle


我放不下你

Again and again

Hurt again and again.
Why must God be playing me all the time?
When i thought finally it's going to be over,
When i thought things will go very well from now on,
When i thought finally i get to be happy from now on,
God just have to play with my life.
Just have to play me.
Until I fall to my knees
Until I cry my lungs out
Until I have no energy to fight
Until I no longer have the will

Yeah, i know i'm pathetic.
I just cant pull myself up.

I want to be happy.
Why cant u make me happy?
Why do you have to hurt me?
How can u be so mean?

And u, God!
Why are u doing this to me?
What did i do to deserve this?
Or u think it's fun to play me this way?




God,please help me.
Please...

I need u

Oh, i'm so sorry i abandon my blog for exactly one month. XD
It's not that i dont have things to blog about.
It's just that I got no time for blogging.
Because i'm addicted to facebook. XD
Addicted to the games.
I know i should be studying very hard now for mocks.
But i just cant seem to pull myself away from the comp.
So anyway, i think i screwed up my calculus topic test very badly.
But who cares?
Because our lecturer decided not to take the marks of this topic test into account.
And that means our mocks will be 60% which is really bad.
I doubt i will score half of it. T.T
How can some people be so smart and love calculus so much?
I want to have their brain!
That way i can solve all questions without cracking my head open. Bleh...

Well, its my birthday today. So happy birthday to myself! LOL
Gonna have applics topic test this thurs. And i havent start studying! T.T
And i have plenty of assignment not done yet!
I feel so lazy.
I am lazy.
And i know it's bad. Really bad. Urgh...

Just by thinking how many things are not done, I'm having mood swing now.
urgh...

Ciao!

je t'aime

对我公平些可以吗？

人一旦得到某样东西就会越来越贪心吗？
得到了珍珠就会要金条
得到了金条就会要钻石
能不能有一个人是不会改变不会变贪心？

因为认真所以受伤

我始终还是无法放弃
不管你说的话有多难听，我还是吞下去了

其实我并不知道自己在期待什么
也不知道自己希望什么
也许我只是想要默默陪在你身边
但是自己却很不满足
想要更多更多

想要你关心
想要你担心
想要你嫉妒
想要你陪在我身边
永永远远
不再改变

我们的美好回忆你不记得了吗？

我们之间许下的承诺你忘了吗？

每当自己说服自己是时候放弃了
我就会临时退缩
只因为自己不够坚强
没有勇气面对心里所承受的痛
没有勇气放开

Please have some mercy in me.
For i cant bear the pain any longer.

我承认我是个胆小鬼

I feel lonely. Can u accompany me?

PS - RIP, Yasmin Ahmad.

I miss you badly.
What does it take to make everything to be the way it was before?
What can i do to be happy again?

Fairytales are just for kid. It's just a lie.
It always start with once upon a time and ends with happily ever after.
How i wish that in real life we can end our story with happily ever after too.

I just want to feel the way i feel when i'm with u.

PS - I dont want all these to be just a dream. I dont want 2 open my eyes and lose them all.

This is so stupid

What's the point of spending so much money on PPSMI since they're gona make all students to study maths and sciences in BM anyway? Don't u think that the education ministry is making a huge mistake? Instead of moving forward,we are now moving backwards.
Students have been studying maths and sciences in english for a long time. They are used to it already. Now, they have to learn in BM? Wth. Let's assume that they can do it,they can adapt to the changes. What about after form 5? When they enter college or university, everything will be in english. What happens then? All students study at government university? Like universiti malaya?
Because of learning maths and sciences in english,our english became better and more powerful. Now that it will be reverted back to BM, i believe the only chance to empower our english language skills is during english class.
Seriously this decision is very stupid. I know that we have to consider the students in the rural area. And i wont say screw them. I believe there's always a way to solve the rural area problem.
I know BM is our national language. No offence,but how often will we use it in future? Let's say we are going to work in UK, we are not going to use BM there,right? We will be using the global language, a language where the whole world would understand.
We wouldnt want a scenario where a malaysian speaks with a very broken english to the whites. It's so embarrassing.

PS - I hope that the government wil change their mind. Because developed countries dont move backwards.

I was just the fool.

Just now i went back to my ex high school for carnival day. Well,i would say it feels different to go back as an outsider. I mean last time i took care and set up the stalls. But now,all i had to do is walk around and find way to spend my coupons. Maybe because of time constrain and best friend factor, i find the carnival boring to the extend i dont know how to spend my coupons. LOL

Dont have to blame urself for some failures. U should know and i know that u know, all these arent just ur fault. I would say it's everybody's fault. Dont beat up urself just because of some comment made by people who dont know u. U tried ur best. In fact, u did more than ur part. Other people may not see or give u credit for what u have done. But when all these are successful,the person that should be the happiest is none other than u.
So dont mind what people say or blame u about. Let them be. Dont shed ur tears for such people. Not worth it.
Btw,ur eyes and face are red. Stop asking me that question already. T.T

PS - I'm helpless. I would be happy to even get over a day. I know u wont talk about it with me. I know.

I dont think "im sry too" meant anything.
It cant stop the pain. It cant do anything.

Sometimes...

Sometimes we ought to look back and take a look how many people we have hurt along the way.
How many people who love and care about us were hurt by our stupid actions or our razor tongue?
It wasnt easy to do what i'm doing now.
I just couldnt imagine that to you,i'm the same like the others. But i'm not.
In fact, you're damn right about something. U dont have to give a damn about what people think. U only have to listen to ur own heart.
My heart said u're damn not worth the pain but my mind said u cant be wiped out clean. Pathetic,isnt it?

We are not weak just because we broke down and cried.
Do not hold back. Let those tears flow like waterfall.
We will feel better that way.

PS - Yea, kristin wants to have painkiller for her emotions too.

Today is the 3rd. LOL
wtf.it wasnt supposed to be like that. WTF

Accounts - 79/100
I could have done better. But wat can i expect? I was too moody to study for it.
I'm disappointed.

I screwed up my EE

Well, like i said i screwed up my mid term exam.
So far i took back 3 papers.

Computer science - 41.5/100
Calculus - 106/180
Maths - 135.5/180

I expected comp science 2 b bad because i didnt really study. Plus i walked out the exam hall earlier by 1 hr.But i didnt expect it 2 turn out tht bad. My mum wil surely kill me when she sees the letter from college. Urgh...
Hope 2ml's accts n english wont b tht bad.
I'm so worried.

Anyways,yesterday i watched grey's anatomy til 3.30 am. Then I set 2 alarm clocks so that i can wake up at 8. But i just kept snoozing them til 10am. Wth. I almost threw my phone down the floor 'cause it's damn annoying.
I guess the clock in my body is upside down now. I feel like an owl during the night. N i look like a panda during the day. Wth

PS - 2ml is supposed 2 b a year n 3 months. Lol...

I dont know what to say anymore.
You...totally crushed everything.
I'm speechless.
I...am tired of all these craps.
You just proved ur point.
I'm only remembered when you need help.

PS - It hurts to see that you're okay.

It wasnt supposed to be like that

I was supposed to wipe you clean out of my life.
The way you say things was totally way overboard.
But i didnt know how the hot tempered me swallowed it all down.
I was supposed to get angry and hate you.
For all the words that you threw on me left me with no dignity.

I was supposed to erase every memories that i had with you whether the good or bad ones because it doesnt matter to you. You probably couldnt think of any good ones anyway.Because all you could think of are the bad ones which i'm not that fond of remembering them.

I do hope i will get involve in an accident. Wait! Before you get mad, i want to say that i'm not suicidal. I dont want to die at all. I just want to lose part of my memories. The bitter ones.

PS - I didnt want all this to be like that. But you dont care anyway. So whatever.XD

Thanks. At least i felt that u cared this time.
I must hav sound pretty stupid last night.
I cant believe i said all that.
My god...it's so embarassing!

PS - My presence is optional i guess. You just dont have any idea how all these stuffs are affecting me.

You held the key to my heart
I open up once and i guess that's enough
I really never expect to hear that from you
I swallowed whatever you said.
And left myself with no dignity.

Have a nice day everybody. :)

Something that I find it's quite true...

We make people who love and care about us cry.
We left them heartbroken and acted as if we cant be bothered.
But we cry for people who dont love and care about us.
Even so,we always still want to convince ourselves that there's always a ray of hope.We hoped one day they will realise what they'd missed.We hoped one day they will regret and wished that they can turn back the time to the times when there's someone who truly cares for them.

It's funny and at the same time irony,isnt it?
But hey,this is what we called as life.

PS - At the end of the day,it is the people whom we hurt whether intentionally or not will be there for us when we breakdown,when we're experiencing the lowest moments of our life.'Cause they're the one who love us for who we are.

So,love the people who love you.

I just want things 2 b the way it was.
I dont want it to change.

PS - Im bloggin use my phone!! XDXD

由始至终我并不是任何人
或许我应该说你不再想要听我说的话

我知道我不重要了

你确定我们还可以像以前那样吗？

我真的不知道该怎么做
你也不想要跟我说

我不知道啦

New phone!!

Finally, i've got my new phone!!
My holiday will never be the same anymore! XDXD

My new baby

N85

与其一味怀念失去的东西，不如好好珍惜剩下的事物
不要让关心你的人担心了

Well, i didnt really do anything today because i was sleeping from 2 plus to 6pm
What to do? I slept at 4am yesterday... i wanted to stay up till next morning but i have no idea why i found myself lying on the bed this morning.
Anyways, my holiday is such a waste...
I couldnt hang out with any of my friends because they are either having class or exam
So all i do at home is sleep, watch movie and eat.
Which really sucks...
Haiz....
I WANT TO GO OUT VERY BADLY!!!!! T.T

家是每一个人的避风港
家人本来就应该是我们最要好的朋友
我们可以在家人的面前露出我们最懦弱的一面
但我最要好的朋友不是我的家人
没错，我是可以在他们面前哭
但我从来都不告诉他们我的心事
因为有你听我说心事，在我哭的时候安抚我
所以你应该才是我最要好的朋友吧

我知道你心里很不好受
也知道你觉得自己是个笑话
但是，我希望你知道我并没有这样想
你也不应该这样想
喜欢本来就是一种特殊的感觉
来了就躲不了
你不需要太在乎别人会怎么想
只要自己拿得起放得下就好了
跌倒是会很痛啦
但伤口会痊愈的

我会协助你
记得我说过当你可以坦白说出来，那就代表你已经开始放手了
加油咯


我真的做不到啦
要我怎么坦白？
是我被打到瘫痪，翻肚子而且看到白眼球的那个“瘫白”吗？
真伤脑劲噢...

Aiyo...holiday wanna sleep longer also cannot.
Early in the morning kena sepak wake up d.
Damn kesian.
I'm currently addicted to the game Left4Dead.
Which is really not for faint hearted.
It almost gave me a heart attack when i first played.


*shrug* I'm speechless

I dont know what the hell is wrong with me.
I was cycling yesterday and then i dont know wat am i doing.
i seem to be always on the wrong side of the road.
Rushed to turn into a corner that has a car coming.
Almost get knocked down because i'm trying to cross the road?
I wonder is that my problem or the driver's problem?
I mean they dont put signal and when u try to turn they horn u and put their signal.
What the hell?!

And what the hell my mom is trying to do to me?
I've been surviving almost on liquid these few days.
I just didnt want to eat and she have to keep asking why.
And forced me to eat the porridge and mcd.
Wth?
I feel like vomitting now.
Maybe i'm starting to hate food now. Good for me isnt it?


我知道自己不应该这样
却偏偏要这样
不要再这样敷衍我了
可以吗？

Now i know what all of you think.
I didnt know i am jerk.

I get it now.

Seriously, how else you wanna treat me?

I dont need it either.

Have u think about how i would feel?
About the pain i'm feeling now?
All u would say is time will cure.
But how long?
A month? A year? Now?
I'm already half dead.
I know. It's all my fault.
Can u hear my heart's breaking into pieces?
Even other people can hear it, why cant u?
Are u just trying to act you're deaf or u just couldnt care less?
Would u care to do the jigsaw puzzle for me?

i really dont want this.

it's hard to be alone.

where nobody can see or hear you.

u.me.me.u.

there's miracle when u believe.

Every moment i spent with you is a moment I treasure

I dont want to close my eyes

I dont want to fall asleep

'Cause i'd miss you

PS - Whether you believe it or not, i wouldnt do that again. I know you dont believe... but that's all i can say. It's up to you to believe or not.

Everything's upside down

Who was there for me when i'm crying?

I dont want to be emo.

I feel weak and vulnerable.

I feel sick!

Where are you?

Why do u act like how i imagined you wouldn't be?

This is not the end right?

Dont go away, i will be afraid.

Life would be diffeerent without you.

It's not what you think it is...

I'm not abandoning my blog. It's just that i feel there's nothing to blog about. Even i have, my mind become empty when i sit infront of the comp.

Mid year exam is 1 week from now. And i havent started a single thing. :(
Calculus is totally a killer.

I miss high school. Miss high school holidays. At least they're long enough and at the right time. Now in college, i have holi when other people's having school. And people's having holi now when i'm suffering in college. Hate it.

Things are getting rough lately. And i dont know why.

I miss you

Too desperate

Nowadays, some people are getting sicker and sicker to the extend that i'm ashamed for being in the same category as them in the mammalia class. Human are supposed to be warm blooded. Human are supposed to be able to think the consequences of their action. Human are supposed to be more caring, loving. But instead, desperate people are taking other people's life.

For a handbag that has a few hundred bucks, a handphone, a set of keys etc etc, they are willing to kill. They are cold hearted enough to push pregnant ladies down the motorbike until they're ran over by a vehicle. Killing the lady and the baby.

They dont even pity the unborn child that is hoping to see the world. They dont mind crushing hopes of the unborn's parents, grandparents. They have no idea that they left some spouses a widow, some children to grow up without a mother's love, some parents with their daughter passing away before them.

Sick

Oh well...

My mom went to taiwan yesterday. So until friday, my house will be having "party" till it collapse.
I'm actually kinda upset that i cant follow as well because taiwan is like the food and clothes place.
I fell in love with the original bubble tea when i first went to taiwan 2 years ago. Before that, when i drink bubble tea here, i normally drink the ones with flavor (honeydew etc etc). But when i went taiwan, there's only original bubble tea. So i kinda got hooked up and ended up spending 35 TWD (RM 3.50) on bubble tea and 60TWD (RM 6) on taiwan sausage everyday. Both had been a must for both of the trips to taiwan.

Finally holiday's here. But it's just for 1 week. Boo!

PS - I'm so bored here. Somebody please save me!!!

Missing you.

5 course meal

Uhm...just now i went to the Sunway restaurant for lunch.
This restaurant is managed by the hospitality course student.
Well, it was kinda a 5 star restaurant with all the shiny cutlery on the table...the orange napkin...the glasses...

The starter - Bread with cheese on top
The appetizer - something like seafood salad (got fish, squid and prawn)
Maincourse - Paprika chicken
Desert - Creme caramel (some really really sweet egg custard)
Lastly i had tea.

Well, in between,while waiting for the meal to be served, i drank hell lot of water because the speed of the students serving is quite slow. And i went to the restroom for like 2 times during the meal.
And my frens were like some jakuns. Tasting the milk that are mend for coffee and tea. And argue whether isit condensed milk or fresh milk. *shake head*

The set lunch cost about 18.50. The food is nice and i would say its worth eating. Since i drank so many cups of water isnt it?


PS - I walked out the restaurant with a satisfied stomach, a bladder full with water and a lighter wallet.

I'm still waiting to talk to you.

I'll be there.

I keep your heart with me.
I keep it in my heart.

You keep me, my heart, our memories and everything in the cupboard.


PS - I got 70+ for my account topic test. Lol...i expected better result! :(

PPS - i'll be there when you just need someone to bitch to.

Cheers!

I'm afraid

I'm afraid that you will go away again.

Please dont disappear again.

PS - R.I.P

I miss you.

I dont know what to do

Everytime you leave i was wondering are you with the other person
Everytime you're upset i was thinking are you now with that person and is that person comforting you
Everytime you leave i was afraid that you wont come back again
Everytime you are cold i was scared that you're gonna say the same words again
Everytime i close my eyes, the words that you said keeps playing in my head and it wont go away
Everytime i think about the things that you said, i cant say that i dont agree

PS - It really hurts to think what you said. It's hurting to think that that's what you think.

Everytime i close my eyes

When you dont tell me you love me.

When you tell me that you love me

I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me

PS - It's a nice song.

I'm loving you.

Exams... Exams... EXAMS!!!!

Full of exam this month.

Let's see... i finished applics last monday. This thursday got accounts topic test. This saturday got moral test. Next tuesday got calculus. LOL... i'm stressed up and yet im blogging here.



So everything is back to normal again. At least for now.
I hope it will last this time.


PS - I've never stop loving you.

I'm happy with you. XDXD

Just like car.

PS - Thanks for being there to let me embarass myself infront of you.

I broke down.

Crushed all over again.

It still came. But i promised i wont do anything stupid like laying a blade on my wrist whether or not I'm suicidal or purely needed to share the pain at the other parts of myself. I'm serious this time i hope you can give me some credit on that.
It hurts to think that when I'm missing you, you're missing someone else.
It hurts to think that when I'm crying over you, you're crying over someone else.
It hurts to think that no matter what i do, you wont bother anymore.
It hurts to think that things will be very different from now on.
It hurts to think that you wont be there anymore.
It hurts really.
You call me selfish you call me bitchy... Have you ever thought how would i feel?
Especially when you say those words?
Why do you have to be so honest? Why try to be honest now after so long?
You happy now? That you break my heart and yet you can stay as an honest person a good person?
I cant even focus on anything now.
To be honest to you, i really feel like dying.
I just dont care anymore.
It's best if i can leave without doing anything that you can blame me with. Terminal cancer, car accident, being hated so much that that person decided to stab me. LOL
Dont you worry, I just WONT do it again because i love you.
I dont know how to face you anymore. I hope you will come back. Please..

I just want the pain to go away.

You happy now?

You still care, dont you?

Though you've been sayin tht all the time and also warned me not to mention about it.

But, no matter what you still care.

Why? I really dont get it.

How could you possibly care for a person that hurt you? and constantly put a smile on your face.

Didnt you said you wont bother anymore? Didnt you say you wont think about it anymore?

I'm confused.

PS - I really hate it when i'm not able to make you feel panic.

I'm happy!!!

Remember, you promised me.

I'm glad that you'll promise me to forget that outing.

Remember... It was ur 2nd time being there with me yesterday.

That outing was just purely a dream. A bad dream. A nightmare that you dont wish to have anymore.

Argh!!!!

PS - I enjoyed yesterday. Thanks. I hope the sun did not burn through your slim, pretty legs. Haha...

I finished my roller coaster before sharing with you! Aww...

Liar!

Come on man...
Why do you have to create such a stupid lie?
Why not just admit it? Why make up lies to make people think that someone died?
You silly! You stupid! You're just damn freaking liar.

Liar liar

Pants on FIRE

You should have join the competition. You'll win it. Trust me!

PS - I can be meaner and colder if i want to. I can just walk away. 'Cause i dont give a damn about your feelings anymore. You're nobody, remember? Captain Obvious?

I dont give a damn! XDXD

You didnt have to make it so obvious.

Just when i thought you might need some help, you turned out to be a total bitch.

You make it so obvious that you're ignoring me. Arent you, Captain Obvious?

You just love to take people for granted. It didnt surprised me that you didnt fit in.
It's best for you if you can stand on your own feet now.

'Cause from now on, we're not good.

Its over! Something that happened and exist for more than a decade is over.

I couldnt sound more relieved than now.

You could go on pretending that i wasnt there.

It doesnt matter anymore to me.

I dont care! XDXD

I'm scared!!!

Applics exam later... and i'm kinda blank right now.
I got study i swear...
Just not going in my head...LOL

Having cold war at home.
I really hate you for being so bitchy and unfair.
You know how much i wish that i'm living on my own now.
Have a good life and dont need to depend on you.
You've no idea how much i hated you and will hate you!

Just dont like you

Just needed you

I'm sorry for being a child.

Thinking, acting and talking like one.

Insecurity is just eating me up bit by bit.

I wish i could read your mind. I wish i could know what are you thinking all the time.

Btw, i'm not crazy, ok? I dont have mental illness. Just unstable that's all.

PS - Just so to let you know, you may think i'm being stupid, i will be there if you neeeded me.

A bit like you.

For all the joy you brought to my life

I hope it will last.

I'm now blogging from college library.

What's the point of paying if i'm not going to use it isnt it?

Well, i just finished my accounts open book test. I think it's easy. But will the result be above 90 i'm not sure lar. Sorry if i disappoint you.

Like i said, i hope it last

"You can make my dreams come true"

Hope

PS - Thank you. I appreciate it.

you're my strength when i'm weak

you're my voice when i could not speak

you're my eyes when i could not see

Urgh...

How much worse can my day be with the most stupid net?
Keep on disconnect at this kind of time.
Disconnect when i need it most.


So what i did it?
You didnt care.
You dont seem to anyway.

I need help!

I made a fool out of myself

Today is just the second day and I’m already like a walking zombie. I’m under the weather now. I’m down with cough, flu, and sore throat. Next thing I will be having fever. Mom asked me to take medicine. She even put it right in front of me. I’m shocked actually because she hardly does that for me. But once she turns her back away from me, I stared at the pills. I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly I just grab the pills and throw it out of the window. At that point of time, my mind was totally blank. I just realize I didn’t want to get better. I just want to be too sick to not bother what’s happening out there. You may say I’m stupid. Say I’m silly. Say I’m out of my mind. But I just can’t help it.

Trust me when u say that statement, I felt hope. I felt a little happy. I was hoping you would continue but u didn’t. I guess u just realize that you said something that you don’t intend to say. I didn’t know what to do. I tried my best. But you’re just as cold as you seem.

To be honest, a quarter of me didn’t want to be there yesterday. I didn’t want to hear you say things that will hurt me deeper. But the remaining of me wants to be there for you. I know I should not have kept ranting everything about me. I know you’re equally upset and hurt as me. At that time, I was thinking if I wasn’t there, who would be there? Who would be there to comfort you? Who would be there to keep you accompanied and not to let u be lonely? Who would make a fool of themselves just to make u feel better? I really hope what I did yesterday at least make u feel a little better.

I was sitting in the bathroom with my clothes on thinking with the water flowing down me just now. When I walk out of the room, I was wet from head to toe. My parents thought that a pipe burst in the bathroom. That really makes my sis laugh her ass off. I thought of many things that happen in my life. I even remember the last time I did it. I looked for the scar but I can’t find it. It was so long ago that I even forget which wrist was it. The right? Or the left? I don’t remember anymore.




I can’t concentrate anymore. I’m losing all my focus. I’m losing myself.
I just needed it to distract me from the pain I’m having now. I’m sorry.

Oh god, what have I done to my life?


PS – For God’s sake, take good care of yourself.

不要你离开 距离隔不开

“I’ll be the shoulder when u cry.”

Aprilfool!

Today was really a rough and HEARTBREAKING day.

I skipped Maths class though I got topic test next Monday but whatever lar… my emotions was kind of unstable.

Uhm… where should I start? LoL

Well, I didn’t got tricked by anyone but I did receive bad news (and I wasn’t a prank apparently)

To the readers out there, please do not start a conversation with “I think we need to talk.”

Because everything followed by it is always, ALWAYS bad news. It makes people worry a lot even before you break the news to them.

I shouldn’t have teased my friend because it seems to backfire on me now. I wish I could tell u more clearly how sure I am about it. I do not need to lie down on my bed and think about it over and over again. But u didn’t seem to be listening or understand what I am saying because you were searching for an answer that I don’t have.

I wish you could realize how heartbroken I am now. It was easy for you to say “I must clam down, I must be strong.” The decision was made by you to relieve the burden on you.

放手？不放手？

我选择了不放手，继续那么执着

但是放不放已经不是由我决定了

我觉得心很痛

心… 好像被刀捅了许多次

流着很多血

您有办法救救我吗？

为什么是他?不是已经说好要放弃了吗？

You make me want to take my life away again.

You make me want to feel the cold, rusty blade cutting through my skin and get to the vein.

You make me feel helpless.

PS – If you wanted to be alone, you could have told me. Don’t lie to me.

“I’m not the one you think of anymore.”

您，开心了吗？

Give me some respect.

Dont u just hate people who doesnt respect u at all?
People who always take u for granted.

Another thing is I'm going to be very honest here.
You...really do annoy me.
You're the most annoying person i ever known in my life.
From ur lame jokes to the answers that are irrelevant to the questions.
Sometimes...NO! I should say all the time i feel really frustrated to talk to you.
I dont know why but u just make my day real moody.

Anyways, I dont know how i feel right now. Sour i guess.
PS- I love the way you love, but I hate the way I love you back

Remember i told u that the times that u make me feel uncomfortable and upset inside is always scale 10? i'm not lying about it. I'm serious.

Friends?

I finally understood what are friends for.
U, thank u for teaching me that.

U taught me that friends are to be ignored.

Honestly, i regret calling u my friend.

Relieved

Finally, i can breathe normally after so long. At last i handed in my assignment.
I was kinda glad that i manage to get it done. Before i left for PD last Sat, i was freaking out because i only done the report part but not the references and reflective essay.
That time i was so frustrated to think that I'm wasting time at PD. I could have done my assignment much earlier.
When i came back on Sunday, i was scared that i will not manage to finish it.
But thanks to PQ who helped me with the points for my reflective essay. Next time i belanja makan okay? :)
I was so bored at PD. Though it's just 2 days 1 night but still ...
So... i ended up wasting my precious money as well.
I went to arcade and spend about RM 40 in 2 days. Lol...


I guess today was a very bad day.
But it's not friday the 13th isnt it?
haiz... i really dont know what else to say about anymore.
I've done my part.
I've never felt i want to walk away from this so badly.

喜欢的 还是喜欢
讨厌的 还是讨厌
I LOVE WHAT I LOVE
I HATE WHAT I HATE

PS- Say that u love me. Say that u care.

Book "sweeping"

Last Sunday, my fam and i went ioi mall. Went there to have our tea + dinner at 4 plus. We ate at Wong Kok Char Chan Teng. Feel kinda boring lar. Always eat at the same shop. Asked mom to eat at Sushi King she dont want. All becz of 2nd sis. She dont eat sushi. Iish...
After eating, we went to Popular. They were having discounts for alot of books, dvds and cds.
Original dvds only cost 25.90. Vcds cost 5.90. Discount for books were about 50 % - 70% i guess.
So all of us went different direction. I went to search for eng story books. Mom went to look for dvds. Youngest sis went to look for comics while the other sis went to search for chinese story books. And dad's job was to carry the basket.
After searching for almost 1 hr, we bought 2vcds, 1 taiwan series and a few books.

Mandrin edition of Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse


I guess I'm crazy about vampire related books d.

Thats all. My mom almost going to get the electronic dictionary. But my dad stopped her. He say if she buy it then we will become more stupid. Next time wont even know how to find words using dictionary. Lol...

Ps: I hope holiday never ends.